myassbrokethefall:

August, 2017

Welcome back to Vancouver, everyone! It feels like we just did this two years ago. Haha! Listen, I know this feels a little more old hat this time, but we still want to get you back into the swing of things, so we’ve planned a comprehensive two-day program that we hope you will all find interesting, informative – and fun! The truth is out there, everybody!

Please enjoy your official orientation tote bag with David Duchovny’s 5th-grade school picture on it and no other information, which includes:

• Dog costumes of varying sizes for all your dog costuming needs
• Unmarked baggie of (probably) granola
• Single flip-flop once worn by Gillian Anderson (signed)
• Copy of that book WBD wrote where he complains about everybody
• Piece of gum that was in someone’s mouth but is still perfectly good
• Anonymous note reading “Are you good at resolving cliffhangers? Can you write really fast? Meet behind the dumpster at dawn”
• Stunt bee that will lurk in the bag until you open it and then sting you and then receive a hefty union salary because it has a great agent
• DVD of The Crown
• Coupon for one (1) personal acoustic concert by David Duchovny ($30,000 value)
• Brownie

DAY 1

Breakfast: The old crepe truck

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