megsandroses:

you’re stupid, oh so
stupid. you’re ready to throw away everything you’ve got in your life for her.
you’d do everything for her. she doesn’t have to say anything, just one look
and you’re ready. you’re standing on the edge of the highest mountain and one
her look and you’ll jump. you’re not breaking up with vicky, you feel too
entitled to her. you think she makes you happy and you hope that you’re not
ruining her life that much.

but every time you see her your knees go weak, you have
problems breathing, you sweat and you tremble and you swear that she’ll give
you a heart attack one day. whenever she passes your way, you close your eyes,
you try to look occupied so she doesn’t talk to you. it’s not that you don’t
want to talk to her, you want it too much. you’re so in love with her voice,
just the quietest sound will make you fall on your knees. it’s amazing that
when you do the scene you’re able to act like she’s not the most important
person in your life. in real life – not so much. she smiles at you in the
morning and you still remember it when you’re falling asleep late at  night.

you hear her arguing
with her boyfriend, too many times, to be precise. you’re mad at that asshole
that makes her cry. she’s lacking some sleep because of those fucking arguments
and you wish you could hold her in your arms and promise her that everything
will be okay because you love her. of course, you can’t do it because you’re
with vicky but you can pretend and hope that she reads your mind and that will
make her feel better.

but the nights when you
hear her crying are the worst because you cry too. and you wonder why life is
just so fucked up that you can’t be with a person that you love. and why can’t
she realize you love her without saying the actual words?

you hear a soft knocking
on a door and you just know it’s her. you’re fighting with yourself, you’re not
sure whether to open the door or not. if you pretend to sleep, she will go away
and you won’t make any mistakes. but if she goes away, she’ll end up crying
alone and that will break your heart. you just can’t have that.

so you open the door and
you fall in love with her even more. she falls into your arms and cries, cries
so much you don’t realize the tears are streaming down your face, too. you lay
with her in your bed and you cry like two losers that have the whole world
against. you kinda feel okay with the fact that you’re in this together.

“you want me to kill
him?” you ask her and she laughs. well, it’s barely a laugh but you love this
sound. even through the tears her smile is the most beautiful thing you’ve ever
seen. after her eyes. her eyes are the most beautiful. and her freckles. and
her breasts. and you can’t stop thinking about her ass, too. fuck, you’re
screwed. “one word and he’s dead, i swear.”

so she just looks you in
the eyes and shakes her head. she doesn’t want that asshole dead because she’s
still in love with him and you hate yourself even more for letting her love
someone who’s constantly hurting her. you imagine yourself with her – treating
her like a queen, making sure she’s got everything she needs, telling her you
love her, making love to her every morning and every night.

“i gotta go” she tells
you at 3 am. you know you won’t fall asleep anymore, you just don’t sleep much
when she’s not around. you just nod because you know you can’t stop her. she’s
like a wind, she’s free, she’ll run away even if you put her in a cage. “thanks
for holding me.”

when she closes the door
and goes to her trailer, you open a bottle of beer, sit on a couch and call
vicky. you tell her you miss her and want her close. she says the same things
and promises to visit you next week. you tell her you can’t wait but it’s a
lie. you can wait forever. and you don’t miss her. you just don’t want to be
alone.

you don’t want to be the
bastard that cheats on his girlfriend but just a thought of gillian makes you
hard. it’s unbelievable that there’s actually a woman out there to make you
feel this way. and she’s so close right now, she’s just around the corner. that
breaks your heart in a million pieces. because she’s so close but yet so out of
reach.

“i’m done with him!” she
shouts and slams the door to your trailer. you don’t even look at her, just
keep sitting at a couch and sipping a beer. she’s pacing around the room and
swears and takes a shot of vodka and then swears again. “i am so done with him!
what a fucking loser, how could he say something like that? i’m a drama queen!
can you fucking believe he said something like that?”

you don’t answer, you
finish the beer and stand up. you step closer and a second later she’s in your
arms. you start swaying to the music that’s playing and you hum kiss’s song to
her ear. she starts cooling down and takes deeper breaths.

and there’s that again,
that smell. strawberries. you breathe in this fresh scent and you hold her
tighter and try not to faint.

when she relaxes in your
arms and puts her small hands around your neck hums the melody with you, you
start singing.

i never thought i’d lay my heart on the line

but everything about you is tellin’ me this time

she laughs and steps
even closer and that makes you smile. her smell invades you and you’re still
amazed by how tiny she is. even more – how someone so tiny can take bigger
space in your bed, more space in your mind, more space in your life than
anyone.

“fuck him” she whispers
and stands on her toes. she starts spreading your neck with kisses and she
makes you crazy. you never want this feeling to go away, it’s better than being
drunk or high. she’s more than all the ecstasy in the world. “i’m not getting
back with him. i don’t want him.”

“good choice” you tell
her and she kisses you on both cheeks. you swear you’re not blushing but she
laughs anyway. “fuck him, he doesn’t deserve you.”

“yeah, he doesn’t
deserve me” she repeats and kisses your nose and forehead. “he’s such a fucking
loser, i don’t need him.”

“you don’t.” she’s so
close to your lips and your heart is so close from jumping from your chest. you
forget how to breathe but with her breathing is not necessary. she’s the only
thing you need. her smell. her presence. her body and that laugh. “fuck him.”

“no.” she shakes her
head and bites her lip. she’ll be the death of you, you think. she’s
millimeters apart from your lips and you’re sure you’ll die in a moment because
you’re holding your breath for so long. “fuck me.”

her word is your
command. you take her to your bed and fuck her so hard, she screams your name.
she definitely doesn’t remember her ex, you’re all she sees, all she feels and
for a second you imagine that you could be her whole world. just like she’s yours.

before she comes, you
look into her eyes and try to tell her without words that you love her and you
never want to be without her.

i see my future when i look in your eyes

it took your love to make my heart come alive