duchov:

It’s so
fucking hard to love you.

You’re
hardly even here. I can’t wake up next to you, kiss you good morning, wake you
up by making you come. There are times when I want to tell you something that
isn’t very important, like that I had the most amazing kale smoothie or
discovered a new organic coffee place in New York. I can’t buy you a bunch of
roses or bar of dark chocolate just because I love you. I only can call you in
the evening and tell you how much I miss you. If I’m desperate, I’ll even buy a
ticket to London. But it’s so hard loving you when you’re not around.

But when
you are around, it’s not easy, either. I have to share you with the whole
world. You’re always somewhere while I want you all to myself. When we’re
together, you have the book signing, I have the interview. We’re missing each
other and then yet again, the evenings are ours to say how we feel, what we did
and how much we miss each other. I fucking hate this situation. I want to
scream from the rooftops, I want the whole world to know that I love you and I
don’t want to share you that much. You’re mine and everyone should know it.

I hate
everything about you.

I hate the
fact you wake up every day on your own. You’re so cold in the mornings and
there’s no one there to hold you close, to warm you up.

I hate how
your eyes are tired from reading all those scripts and working with the
computer. You have tears in your eyes, they are red and puffy. It hurts you.

I hate when
you’re taking lonely walks in the park late in the evening. I’m always worried
about you and though I’m so far away, I could jump in the plane and fly to you
only to make sure you’re safe.

I hate when
you have to attend all those events and parties where you are asked
uncomfortable questions about your private life, about me, instead of your
amazing work. It’s unfair.

I hate many
things about you. But I love you to death.

I love how
your nose wrinkles when someone says something funny. How you laugh out loud.
How your eyes smile when you look at me.

I love the
way you say my name.

I love the
fact that you count the days until we see each other again. How every day you
send me a short text saying how many days are left.  Today it’s 13.

I love how
you sing my songs in the shower and when you say that you’re proud of my work,
although I know that honestly you’re not a fan of it.

“I’m your
biggest fan”, you tell me.

I love
every little thing about you and the fact that I can’t have you every second of
every minute and every day of forever drives me crazy.

But you
know what?

One day I
will be spending every second of every minute, every minute of every hour,
every hour of every day, every day of every week, every week of every month,
every month of every year and every year of eternity by your side. Now I have
to miss you. I have to hate all those things. It has to be hard loving you, but
don’t worry.

You’re
worth it.