birthday boy.

megsandroses:

part 1 of my birthday shor fic. (the lyrics – “tomorrow never came” by lana del rey and sean ono lennon)

hey, what you thinking? penny for your thoughts
those lights are blinking on that old jukebox
but don’t ask me why, just swallow some wine

fuck, i’m old, you think
as you get up early in the morning. you’re standing on your bare feet, looking
in the mirror. you’re watching your face, all those wrinkles. you trace your
face with fingertips and groan. everybody says you age well but you’re not so
sure about it. sometimes everything hurts you and you wish it just stopped. it
would be nice if for once the pain would go away. you wish the most that your
heart would stop hurting.

as you go through your room, you notice a small piece
of paper laying on a coffee table. as you come closer, you notice it’s
handwriting. you sit on a couch and start reading her short letter.

dear david,

it’s your birthday
again. obviously. i hope you’re not gonna spend it all in bed because i’m already
waiting for you. you know where.

yours,

gillian.

of course you know where. your heart starts beating
faster and even faster as you get dressed, brush your teeth and get ready to
go. on your way, you talk to the kids, thank them for calling an remember about
their old man.

and there she is. sitting on the bench. your bench. looking as beautiful as ever. suddenly you go back to all those years when you
used to spend long evenings there. holding hands, talking about everything,
about biggest dreams and fears and how you’ll never let go of each other. you
remember how you took her to that bench and apologized for marrying someone
else while you’re still in love with her. you remember all those little
moments, snaps in your life when it was you and her and this bench as your unspoken
promise of forever.

she smiles at you when she notices you, you smile back
and sit right next to her. you want to grab her hand and feel that familiar
heat but you’re not sure you’re allowed to do that anymore. so you just sit
there and watch her as she’s speaking, wishing you all the best. she wants all
of your dreams to come true and you just wish she knew she’s your biggest
dream.

“you know that i’ve never stopped loving you…” she
whispers and your heart stops beating. you’re looking at her looking at her
feet. “but life’s more complicated than that. i’m more complicated. i’m sorry that i tend to ruin everything…”

“don’t-“

“no, but it’s true” she says and laughs nervously. “i do that, we both know it. but i truly hope it changes one day. as your birthday
gift i want to give you hope. i know that it sucks and i could just buy you
Rolex or something but i’m fucked up. i want to give you hope. and…”

“that’s enough” you whisper, as you take her hand in
yours and watch your intertwined fingers. you’ve missed her touch so much. it’s
the most comfortable and nicest feeling and you wanna stay this way forever. and you know that the hope is enough for you.

because she’s not there yet but she might be. one day. maybe tomorrow.

i waited for you
in the spot you said to wait
in the city, on a park bench
in the middle of the pouring rain
‘cause i adored you
and i just wanted things to be the same
you said you’d meet me out there tomorrow
but tomorrow never came