you remember now.

megsandroses:

huge thanks to @justholdinghandsok for helping me, as always.

It’s hard to remember all the moments of your life. You know there were plenty of good, happy and funny memories that you wish you could keep in your head. Sometimes they are being crowded by all those sad moments that bring tears to your eyes. And suddenly you forget what your favorite flowers smell like, you can’t recognize the nice taste of black coffee and you don’t know what it’s like to fall asleep in his strong and protective arms. You get lonely and scared and you don’t remember what it feels like to be happy. Suddenly, you remember the moment of pure suffering and you’re afraid it will come back when you don’t expect it.

David is standing next to you, you feel his scent on your body, he softly touches you, he’s smiling at you and he’s the most adorable man you’ve ever met on this planet. You want to melt in his arms, you want to feel his scent forever, you don’t ever want to go away. You don’t know him that much but you feel like you know all of him. And honestly, you can’t wait for  all those years you’re about to spend with him. You know he isn’t just another co-star. You know you will never forget him. Somehow, you already know that he’ll be a huge part of your life and that it’s never gonna change.

An interviewer asks the question and you barely hear it but you slowly start falling for david’s soft voice. You hear him say your name and you know you’re in love.

“I’ve spent more time with Gillian than anybody in my whole life, I could say, aside from my parents. I guess, you know… you gotta be careful… somebody could get hurt…” he says and keeps looking at you, you can feel it. You’re smiling but deep down you’re scared because you know he’s right. You know somebody will get hurt. And somehow, you’re so sure it’s gonna be you. So you smile and mouth “me”.

From that moment, you pray every night that it’s not gonna be you.

But it is. When he breaks up and you find out he’s getting married – that’s when you know it. That’s when you find out what it feels like to have a heart ripped out from your chest. You stay in your trailer for some time and you cry your heart out, and you wish you didn’t feel any pain. You wish you didn’t feel anything at all. You want to leave the show, leave the country, get away as far as you can, so you don’t have to see his face. So you don’t have to talk to him.

It hurts even more when he doesn’t realize how much you’re suffering. When he comes to your trailer and talks to you like nothing happened. When he plays with your daughter and falls asleep with her in your bed. When you don’t have the heart to wake him up and throw him out and you end up on your uncomfortable couch where you used to spend hours kissing him. It hurts so damn much when you realize you can’t hate him after all. And you’re stuck with him forever.

When you meet him after a few years, you know he’s changed. He has two children now but his marriage isn’t doing well. You can see he isn’t happy. He’s slightly depressed, a little bit lonely and so tired. You think he may fall asleep on you when you read lines for a second movie. At some point, you forget about the damn aliens and you talk about your lives. You tell him you’re trying for another baby and he says he’s getting  divorced. Even though you know he’s gonna hurt you again, you want to do everything you can to ease his pain. So you kiss him, you let him use you and it feels so damn good even if you know it’s  bad.

You both realize that you can’t live without each other. He calls you at night and he’s drunk. He’s begging you to leave Mark and give him another chance. He apologizes for all his mistakes, he takes the whole blame and he promises you the world. Your heart breaks because you know you’re not strong enough to resist him. You try and try again, but you know he’s right – he’s the one for you.

You don’t even realize you’re crying. You’re sobbing quietly while trying to remember why you fell for him in the first place. What was it that brought you together?

He comes back to bed and freezes for a second, looking at you crying. you smile weakly and swipe away the tears like you want to assure him nothing’s going on. But he knows better. He sits and holds you in his arms. But you cry even more. He doesn’t have to say anything – he loves you and he’ll stay until you stop crying. He’s never gonna leave you again.

“I’m scared David” you whisper, and your voice, just like your whole body, is shaking. You look into his eyes and he frowns. “I keep forgetting all the good memories and all I remember is the pain. I remember how you hurt me and I’m so fucking scared you’re gonna do it again.”

“Do you honestly believe I’m going to hurt you?” he asks softly, and you don’t know. “I hope you can see I’ve changed. I know I’ve hurt you more than anybody else and I know  I’m the biggest idiot in this world. I honestly have no idea why you’re here, why you forgave me and  why you gave me another chance, but God, I’m so happy. You’re my happiness, Gillian, and this is it for me, I’m not backtracking, I’m not leaving you ever again. I love you too damn much to do it again. And you feel too good to be lonely again. You have to believe me.”

“I believe you” you say but you’re still crying. You don’t even feel like ever stopping. “But you’ve said that once already, and you left.”

“I don’t regret marrying Tea and having kids with her.” he says, seriously. “But God, I regret hurting you and breaking your heart. I’ve started regretting it the moment I left you, back then. I truly loved you and I never stopped. Seeing you suffering was the worst thing I could experience and I wanted to kill myself for doing that to you. But I chose to deny everything. I’ve decided to act like I didn’t care, while I was slowly dying inside. Gillian, I know I don’t deserve you, but I’ve learnt my lesson and I know how much I love you. And I can’t lose you again because it would kill me. please don’t leave me.”

“That’s the thing David, I can’t leave you. I never could” you kiss him hard on his lips and you smile against his mouth. “I don’t know what’s that but there’s something about you that drives me crazy and I can’t leave you despite how much I’m suffering. I think I’m addicted to you.”

“Then we’re in this together” he tells you and kisses all the tears away. “And even if that’s gonna kill us, we’re in this together. you and me, okay?”

“Okay.”

You remember now. You remember all those good and happy moments that you’ve spent with him. You wonder how you knew all those years ago that you were going to get hurt but then you think that you haven’t realized he’s been suffering too. And maybe he’s right that this addiction called love is slowly killing you but you’re in this together and there’s no other place you’d rather be.

Never again

justholdinghandsok:

Gillovny Ficlet 

(NSFW)


The sun bathing his skin and her soft lips around his hard member feel like heaven. There’s nothing like a comfortable lounger on the poolside and losing yourself in the woman of your life’s mouth. The way she opens her eyes and her look pierces through his tinted glasses to reach his gaze when she almost lands at his base drives him crazy. That and the yummy sound escaping her throat and echoing on every fiber of his cock. Somehow, he has always considered this act as one of the biggest proofs of his love. It has been misinterpreted by some in the past, but never with her. He thinks there’s something sacred in a blowjob. He completely abandons himself to her and he allows her to take control, to overpower him. She could hurt him right now. She could severely injure him if she wanted to. She could also release him from this sweet torture any time she wants. She knows where to lick, how hard to suck, when to take him deep and how much time to spend on this spot, at the back of his tip, before he loses it. The most precious part of his body is all hers. He has confided his dick with her lips and his balls to her hand. How this could not be taken as a proof of love?

Oddly, it’s not her tongue swirling on his tip nor her middle finger pressing harder and harder against his ass hole that send him on the edge right now. After all, orgasms could be mostly cerebral, he thinks, because the friction of her hard nipple against his thigh and the sight of her hips raising and lowering as she rubs her sex against his shin eclipses everything else. He can even feel her wetness through the hairs of his leg and wishes he was flexible enough to reach her ass. He wishes he was mentally strong enough to make her stop and turn things around. But his body feels so heavy and weak at the same time. He belongs to her right now, she’s the one who decides when this will be over and how it’ll end.

He hopes it’ll never end.

“I’m done. Can I go now?” she asks with her fingers tightly wrapped around his base and her lips softly caressing the pulsing vein of his cock on every syllable.

He barely heard, his mind is dizzy and his ears are buzzing. He must have misunderstood. Where would she go, and why would she go now anyway? She likes to torture him sometimes, but not like that. Not while still holding him and not when she’s soaking wet on his leg. Now that she’s stopped her exquisite motions, he feels his strengths coming back. Maybe he’s strong enough to lift her and put her on her knees. Hopefully, he’ll be strong enough to stand on his feet behind her.  

“Can I go, mister Duchovny?” She uses the sexiest voice she can as he was trying to raise. It still doesn’t make sense, he thinks.

Or maybe it does. She always has to go, it’s crazy. Why would this amazing blowjob be different from their relationship itself? One day she’s here and they’re happy, and the second after she’s on the other side of the world and he’s unable to do anything besides missing her for days.  “Yes, go, leave me again! You’re so good at it!” he wants to scream, but his voice remains trapped in his throat and it seems like she’s gone already. He can’t feel her mouth anymore. Her beautiful blue eyes have vanished, such as the sensation of her blond curl brushing the inside of his thighs. What he does feel is the dark hole in his heart, aching and silently screaming for her to come back. In vain.

“Mister Duchov…” A scream of disgust follows his last name and the sight of the back of the cleaning lady rushing towards the house and throwing her apron inside the pool is the first thing he sees as he opens his eyes, finally out of his reverie. After a few seconds of incomprehension, he realizes that his hand inside his tented board shorts is probably the reason of the lady’s anger and disgust. He’ll have a hard time explaining that later…

He puts his glasses on the side of the chair and stands up to jump inside the pool in a gracious diving. He needs to cool both his body and mind after what just happened. Hopefully, after tonight, this kind of dreams won’t end in nightmares of loneliness and abandon anymore. Hopefully, tonight, after her car has crossed his portal for the first time in three months and she has seen the red carpet leading to his door where he’ll be standing in an over-expensive suit, after she walked towards him pretending to not understand what’s happening, after he kneels before her, takes her hand in his, and asks her the same question he had asked her twenty years ago, hopefully she will not go anywhere. Never.

Never again

Gillovny Ficlet 

(NSFW)


The sun bathing his skin and her soft lips around his hard member feel like heaven. There’s nothing like a comfortable lounger on the poolside and losing yourself in the woman of your life’s mouth. The way she opens her eyes and her look pierces through his tinted glasses to reach his gaze when she almost lands at his base drives him crazy. That and the yummy sound escaping her throat and echoing on every fiber of his cock. Somehow, he has always considered this act as one of the biggest proofs of his love. It has been misinterpreted by some in the past, but never with her. He thinks there’s something sacred in a blowjob. He completely abandons himself to her and he allows her to take control, to overpower him. She could hurt him right now. She could severely injure him if she wanted to. She could also release him from this sweet torture any time she wants. She knows where to lick, how hard to suck, when to take him deep and how much time to spend on this spot, at the back of his tip, before he loses it. The most precious part of his body is all hers. He has confided his dick with her lips and his balls to her hand. How this could not be taken as a proof of love?

Oddly, it’s not her tongue swirling on his tip nor her middle finger pressing harder and harder against his ass hole that send him on the edge right now. After all, orgasms could be mostly cerebral, he thinks, because the friction of her hard nipple against his thigh and the sight of her hips raising and lowering as she rubs her sex against his shin eclipses everything else. He can even feel her wetness through the hairs of his leg and wishes he was flexible enough to reach her ass. He wishes he was mentally strong enough to make her stop and turn things around. But his body feels so heavy and weak at the same time. He belongs to her right now, she’s the one who decides when this will be over and how it’ll end.

He hopes it’ll never end.

“I’m done. Can I go now?” she asks with her fingers tightly wrapped around his base and her lips softly caressing the pulsing vein of his cock on every syllable.

He barely heard, his mind is dizzy and his ears are buzzing. He must have misunderstood. Where would she go, and why would she go now anyway? She likes to torture him sometimes, but not like that. Not while still holding him and not when she’s soaking wet on his leg. Now that she’s stopped her exquisite motions, he feels his strengths coming back. Maybe he’s strong enough to lift her and put her on her knees. Hopefully, he’ll be strong enough to stand on his feet behind her.  

“Can I go, mister Duchovny?” She uses the sexiest voice she can as he was trying to raise. It still doesn’t make sense, he thinks.

Or maybe it does. She always has to go, it’s crazy. Why would this amazing blowjob be different from their relationship itself? One day she’s here and they’re happy, and the second after she’s on the other side of the world and he’s unable to do anything besides missing her for days.  “Yes, go, leave me again! You’re so good at it!” he wants to scream, but his voice remains trapped in his throat and it seems like she’s gone already. He can’t feel her mouth anymore. Her beautiful blue eyes have vanished, such as the sensation of her blond curl brushing the inside of his thighs. What he does feel is the dark hole in his heart, aching and silently screaming for her to come back. In vain.

“Mister Duchov…” A scream of disgust follows his last name and the sight of the back of the cleaning lady rushing towards the house and throwing her apron inside the pool is the first thing he sees as he opens his eyes, finally out of his reverie. After a few seconds of incomprehension, he realizes that his hand inside his tented board shorts is probably the reason of the lady’s anger and disgust. He’ll have a hard time explaining that later…

He puts his glasses on the side of the chair and stands up to jump inside the pool in a gracious diving. He needs to cool both his body and mind after what just happened. Hopefully, after tonight, this kind of dreams won’t end in nightmares of loneliness and abandon anymore. Hopefully, tonight, after her car has crossed his portal for the first time in three months and she has seen the red carpet leading to his door where he’ll be standing in an over-expensive suit, after she walked towards him pretending to not understand what’s happening, after he kneels before her, takes her hand in his, and asks her the same question he had asked her twenty years ago, hopefully she will not go anywhere. Never.

« i’m gonna do this. » gillian says and she laughs, holding her phone. david freezes and his heart starts beating faster. « oh no, you’re not. » he tells her seriously, which makes her laugh even harder. « gill, give me the phone. i mean it. » « no. » « gillian. » « david. » she dares him. she’s looking into his eyes and she’s daring him. she’s waiting for his next move. he doesn’t know what to do. he seems helpless. he looks at her and he begs her with his sight. she doesn’t give in. only laughs louder.

“gillian, give me this fucking phone. let’s forget the whole thing and make sweet and tender love.” “no.” “okay. let’s make hard and fast love.” she laughs again. he loves her too much. “it’s tempting but no, thank you.” “gillian, i’m begging you. i’ll do anything you want.” “anything?” “yes.” “alright… you’ll go to baftas with me. you’re gonna be holding my hand, you’ll be smiling at me and you’ll kiss me in front of the crowd.”

he doesn’t have to think about it. they’ve already discussed it. they both decided that they’ll come out once they both feel ready. seems like she does so he’s got nothing left to lose. he looks at her and sees that she’s not joking. he gets serious, too. “i’ll go to the baftas if you marry me.” “what?!” “you know how i feel. i know how you feel. we both want this to be forever. i can kneel right now or at any other occasion. you just have to say yes.” “i’ll say yes if you move in with me.” david thinks about it. he knows it’s not impossible anymore. his kids are grown up, they’ll be still seeing him over the weekends, he may get used to the rain and weird accent. “i’ll move in with you if you agree to do more x-files.” “oh my god, are you serious? david, we’re too old for that shit.” “speak for yourself.” “i am. i’m tired. i’m old and i don’t want to wear that terrible wig ever again.” “so no x-files?” “no.” “okay, i won’t move in with you.” “okay, i won’t marry you.” “i won’t go with you to baftas.” “i will post that photo of you!" david freezes again. she’s laughing again. 

"alright” he sighs. “let’s take it slow, step by step, okay? you won’t post this photo, i’ll consider going as your plus one. you’ll consider marrying me. and now you’re gonna put that phone away and get naked again.” she agrees. when she lays on his chest she smiles. “you know i wouldn’t post that picture in the first place, right?” “what?” “i wouldn’t. you’re too cute to share." 

(i got carried away and it doesn’t make sense, sorry :D)

– 

Oh my god! It’s so sweet, and also, what the hell was on that picture????!!!!

it’s much warmer in london, she notices. there’s no snow, the wind isn’t blowing that much. but somehow she feels so much colder. her palms are freezing, her skin is dry. she’s wearing a gray sweather she stealed from david a few days ago. she knows she will have to take it off soon and go out for another meetings but just for now she’s sitting at her couch covered in soft material and his musky scent. she’s breathing it in as it’s her favorite scent. she loves it even more than lavender. 1/2

2/2 just as she decides to get up, she gets a message. it’s from david and she already smiles. he sent her a photo of a beach. actually a selfie of him standing by the seashore. he’s smiling at her. there’s a caption “i miss you already. can’t wait for you to come back to our private beach.” suddenly, she’s warm again and starts counting the days until she sees that handsome face again. until she gets lost in his muscular arms again. yeah. she can’t wait for that. (for my not facebook friend :D)

Let me break the anonymousness and than you for this sweet morning wake up, @duchov. ❤️

« It stopped snowing » David noticed, suddenly feeling sad because it meant one thing: the airports are working again, everything goes back to normal and so it’s time for her to leave. Again. « I’ll drive you to the airport when you’re ready. » He knows everything but it still hurts him as hell that he will have to watch her leave again. And he’ll see the pictures of her standing next to that British guy. That’s something he doesn’t want to witness. She comes out of his bedroom(their bedroom really)

and he frowns. She’s standing bare foot, only in his favorite t-shirt she bought him years ago. It doesn’t fit any of them – too small for his abs, too long for her tiny body but they both love it so much. She stands by the window and looks at the view of Central Park covered in snow. “Look, it’s snowing again” she says calmly, smiling at him. He pulls his arms around her tiny waist and kisses her neck. “It’s falling from the tree” he whispers to her ear. “Does it matter?” She turns to him

puts arms around his neck and kisses him passionately. “It’s snowing again” she repeats. “I think I can’t leave now.” And as much as he hates cold, winter and snow, he wishes New York City would always stay covered in snow while he’s melting at her touch. Love!

This is why I love going through my inbox on a lazy Saturday afternoon. Thank you for this, anon. 

this is serious.

duchov:

gillovny thing.

she can’t stop smiling. she’s watching david play the guitar and hum some words she cannot understand. he does that very often when he doesn’t want her to hear the whole song yet. she tells him it’s silly but still she doesn’t know what the words of this new song are.

“is it “all of you” or “i love you”?” she asks, looking at him. he crosses out the words from a little piece of paper and swears under his nose. “david, language!”

“coming from you…” he murmurs. she laughs. he’s been grumpy all day. “it just doesn’t make the fucking sense.”

“maybe i’ll help you? she offers, standing up from his sofa.

she comes closer, takes his guitar, puts it gently on the floor and stradles his lap. she starts kissing him. first his ears, then forehead, eyelids, nose, cheeks, chin and then mouth. the kiss becomes more passionate and he moans in her mouth. she smiles.

“this is how you want to help?” he asks, laughing. she shrugs.

“isn’t it inspiring?” she gives him another kiss and puts her arms around his neck. “i have to come back to london next week.”

“shh…”

“david…”

“don’t.” david shakes his head. he’s looking directly into her deep blue eyes and he’s trying to tell her something, she knows he is and she’s trying really hard to find out what it is. “don’t talk about it. let’s not think until you really have to leave.”

“i’m not leaving.” she corrects him. “i’m just going home.”

“same thing” this time david shrugs and she frowns. “i know it’s unfair but i hate it so much when you have to go. i know i can’t make you stay because there’s your home and your kids but sometimes i wish you were all mine and i didn’t have to share you with anyone.”

“just sometimes?” she jokes and gently touches his cheeks. he closes his eyes at the feel of her touch. “i know it’s fucking hard, david. i wish we could be together all the time, too. but there’s nothing we can do.”

“what if there is?” david asks. 

she looks at him, not understanding what he means. he makes her stand up, he does too and goes to his bedroom. she should start calling this room their bedroom already, she spends so much time there. she calls his apartment her home, too. whenever she stays here, she feels like home because this is him. this is david who she stays with. he goes to flowerist before she comes, he buys her fresh flowers, lights the lavender candles, puts the fresh towels, wakes up in the morning, prepars breakfast and then meditates with her before they have to face the new day. this is david – this is home. 

why doesn’t she still understand it, though?

he comes back after a few minutes and suddenly she realizes that he changed. he’s wearing a white shirt and black slim tie. he’s so handsome, she thinks. and she loves those skinny dark jeans. 

he’s smiling when he comes closer and she can’t help it so she smiles, as well.

“what’s happening?” she asks and starts playing with his tie. “you look sexy.”

“i hope i look convincing, too” david jokes and takes her hands in his and sighs deeply. he’s nervous. she places her palm on his chest and feels his heart beating so fast. for sure, he’s alive. “gill, what if there is something we can do?”

“what do you mean?” she still doesn’t know.

“gillian leigh anderson…” he sighs again and drops on one knee. gillian opens her eyes even wider and feels like her own heart stopped. “you know i love you. i won’t be exaggerating when i say that i’ve always loved you. i can’t even remember the times when i wasn’t in love with you. i know we’ve been to hell and back, we had our ups and downs, we still struggle with so many things and sometimes it feels like the whole world is against us but i’m sure we’re gonna get through that because this is it for me, gillian. i’m not going anywhere anymore. i’m not running away, i’m not going to fuck it up anymore because there is too much to lose. i love you too damn much to risk it again. and i can’t let you go alone. i know you can’t stay here but what if i go with you?”

at first she thinks she’s dreaming. then she’s sure it’s a joke. maybe he’s rehearsing for some kind of audition. 

she starts laughing. 

“what the fuck are you doing duchovny?” she asks and sits at his sofa. he frowns and looks down. he’s hurt. “you’re proposing to me?”

“i guess…”

“you guess?” she laughs even louder. “baby, i love you but do you honestly think this is what we should do? marriage isn’t my thing, you know. and we’re too old for that shit.”

“stop laughing.” david says. she stops. “this is serious. i’m not proposing to you because i don’t see the other way for us. i’m proposing because i love the shit out of you and i know that your multiple husbands weren’t the ones. i am the one. i promise you eternity. i promise you my whole life. this is your choice gillian but if i were you, i would take it because we both know we’re stuck together for good. you’re not going to step back and neither am i. so you can say no but you know you’re going to regret this because you love me and deep down you know you want all of this.”

“if i say yes, you’re gonna move to london?” she asks, barely whispering. he nods. 

“my kids are older, they’ll understand. i’d still visit them every other week, just like i do now. i just need to know if you’re really at the same page with me… because this is serious.”

“i’m not laughing anymore.” gillian whispers and kneels in front of him. she smiles and kisses him on mouth. “this is serious and i’m saying yes to all of this. but most of all, i’m saying yes to you because i can’t fucking live without you. i can’t function. you have to be by my side so i can feel alive.”

“i’ll be there, i promise.”

gillian nods and that is a definite yes for her. she couldn’t feel happier. she’s going to marry david. after twenty five years of knowing him. after twenty five years of loving him.

“yes.” she whispers. “now give me the ring.”

and she’s never seen more beautiful ring in the world. and of course it fits her perfectly, just the way he fits in her life.

this is such a cliche.

RE-UNION

guitargirl48:

This was sent to me on anon.  I DID NOT WRITE THIS!  Was too good not to share.  So I am.  Sorry if I did not put it under the cut.  Also, if your not Gillovy fans.  This fic is not for you.  Quit reading and move along.  It is RPF.  A sizzling, splendid, wonderfully written RPF.

He has spent the last few hours trying and failing to keep his mind occupied, even sat for a while with his guitar because usually, the gentle strumming of the strings enables him to relax in the absence of anything else even remotely productive.  But even that isn’t enough to keep him busy, to empty his mind that, as the day has merged into night, has become increasingly crowded with thoughts of her.

They haven’t seen each other for weeks – one of the longest periods of time they have spent apart in the years since they finally gave in to the chemistry that has existed between them for so long and turned their on-again off-again relationship into something substantive.  Finally acknowledging that casual fucking was no longer enough, that maybe it never had been and agreeing that maybe, just maybe it was time to finally give an actual grown-up relationship a chance.

And for the most part, it had been a success, or at least insomuch as they had stayed faithful to one another despite the 3000-mile distance that separated them and the all too predictable pressure that keeping the relationship out of the public eye had heaped upon them both.

His life was here.  Hers was in London; and even though he knew it killed them both in different ways, for the immediate future, that was how things would have to stay.

So they both made the best of things; keeping in contact through e-mail, text and skype but still feeling the pain of the distance that spanned a whole ocean every time they had to say goodbye again.

Her plane had landed a couple of hours ago and although he had offered to come pick her up from the airport, her reluctance was obvious and if he wasn’t aware of the increased interest in her back in England right now, he would have been slightly hurt.  But he wasn’t stupid, he had seen the negative attention directed at her through social media, gritting his teeth day after day as hash-tagged vitriol from irate fans had filtered through to his own accounts, a shift of allegiance toward him as though he were somehow an injured party  in all this and it had taken every bit of resolve to not respond, to not defend her as she deserved to be defended.

But he had promised her he wouldn’t get involved and while he didn’t necessarily agree with her own ways of handling it, he respected the fact that it was hers to handle.

So he had reluctantly acquiesced to her request to wait for her in their apartment; assuring him that after a quick stop off to schmoose the publishers, she would have the driver bring her directly over, as desperate as he was to find a way to snatch a few short hours together before her punishing schedule whisked her away once more.  

Nine hours.  Give or take a few minutes.  Nine hours to re-connect with her.  Not a lot sure and never enough for him, but right now he was prepared to take whatever they could get.

Another quick glance at his watch told him that it was now two hours and sixteen minutes since she had gotten off the plane, every minute spent apart from each other another minute wasted to add to the multitudes that had already passed them by over the course of the last two decades when they both lived in a state of such extreme denial of their feelings for each other that love quickly became confused with hate.  In fact, sometimes, given how turbulent their professional relationship became, he was amazed they had ever managed to ever find each other again.

But find each other they had, embracing the giddy realisation that they were both now free to indulge in that which they had denied each other for so long.

He sighs and rises from the sofa, placing the guitar carefully on to the stand that sits beside the huge picture window; a window that affords him an unrestricted view of the park below; a green oasis that sits right in the middle of a concrete jungle, allowing the occupants of this bustling, vibrant city a brief escape from the pressures of life as they find solace in nature.  In much the same way, she has become his oasis and more and more it seems that she is just as necessary to his own happiness.  

He turns away from the view, not knowing how to make the minutes pass more easily, each one an exquisite torture; a promise of things to come.

Where are you Gillian?

No sooner has the question swirled lazily within his mind though, words unspoken in the absence of anyone to hear them, he hears the sound of a key being inserted in the barrel lock of the door, a muffled expletive as the underused key sticks slightly in the mechanism and a grin threatens to split his face as he reaches the door, pulling it open before she manages to get the lock to co-operate and laughing as she gives him a look before sweeping past him in to the apartment beyond, dropping the huge squashy bag she is carrying unceremoniously on the floor.

“That fucking key David…”

She is dressed in a simple white shirt with a button down collar and on anyone else it would probably look slightly masculine but on her it just looks devastatingly sexy, clinging to her every curve, unbuttoned just low enough for him to be able to catch a glimpse of the lace edge of the bra that sits against her creamy white skin.  And it’s enough to make him instantly hard because despite the fact that she is way too thin, the way she stands there, eyes flashing liquid blue fire, her hair escaping the loose ponytail to messily frame her face and an expression that instantly tells him despite the weeks spent apart that nothing has changed between them, she just looks fucking beautiful.

His Gillian.  Fire and ice as always.

He steps forward and takes the offending key from her hand, casually tossing it onto the small table that stands beside the door before cupping her face, inwardly wincing at the sharp contours of her jaw beneath his hands, before bending just enough to so he can place his lips on hers, effectively silencing any more complaints she may have been about to voice.  And like flicking a switch she is suddenly all over him, clutching at him as though she is drowning and he is her only hope of survival, her small hands roughly caressing his forearms before sliding upwards to grasp at his shoulders, an action which necessitates her standing on her tiptoes despite the chunky wedge heels she is habitually wearing, straining her whole body against him, as though she can meld them together by sheer force of her.

In response he simply plants his palms firmly on her ass and lifts her effortlessly off the ground, appalled for just a moment by how weightless she seems, but as she parts his lips with her tongue, insistently demanding entrance, all thought on his part just flies away.

Their tongues wrestle roughly, breaths mingling together in short gasps as they both revel in the exchange of tastes that are both achingly familiar and half forgotten at the same time.  She tastes mildly of stale cigarettes and strong coffee – a combination which, when he had first kissed her so many years ago, had left him feeling mildly repulsed.  But now he just associates it with her and really, despite himself, the taste is now transformed into sweet ambrosia on his hungry palette.

She has wrapped her legs around his waist, trusting him fully to support her slight weight in his arms, and her heels scratch against his denim-clad thighs as she toes off her shoes which land with a muffled thud on the carpet below.  Each movement she makes grinds against his erection, and he knows that it is purely intentional on her part, eliciting a groan from her as the hardness of him teases her through their layers of clothing, squeezing herself around him even more tightly as he steps forward, pinning her against the wall with his body, letting the solid surface take some of the weight off him which enables him to free one of his hands.  There is a raw urgency between them; a need to re-connect with each other that negates even any attempt at gentleness.  But that’s okay because they both know there will be time for that later.

Because right now, right here, it’s just about fucking away the days and weeks where they have been apart from each other, to answer that most primitive need that has grown and built and which now needs satisfying.

She breaks the kiss first, throwing her head back as far as the wall behind her will allow, exposing her throat to him,  the tendons and  sinew of her muscle standing proud against her stark white skin and he hoists her higher burying his face in the vee of her shirt as he uses the flat of his tongue to strafe her, tasting her skin as he claims her once again as his.  His teeth nipping her as he draws her flesh into his mouth, marking his territory in such a way that will require her to wear a polo neck for her event tomorrow.  He knows to stop though when he reaches a level with her jaw, because years of hiding in plain sight has made knowing where the lines have to be drawn like second nature to them.  And so teeth transform into lips and he completes his journey with a series of barely-there kisses, arriving at the velvety softness of her ear, pulling the lobe gently into his mouth, feeling her shudder as he whispers against her, his breath stirring the tendrils of hair that are floating across his face.

“I’m gonna fuck you now…”

And the way she presses her tits against his chest, seeking contact in the absence of him having a free hand to give them the attention they deserve, tells him that she is more than happy to forgo the niceties of extended foreplay, growling into that soft space where his neck meets his shoulder.

She is wearing a skirt, made up of a soft swirling material that gives him easy access when he works his hand between them, arching away from her slightly so as to take a small detour before getting to the main event so to speak, and he can’t help a sigh of relief as he pops the button at the waistband of his jeans, carefully sliding the zip so as to finally free his cock from its uncomfortable confines,  before slipping his hand beneath the bunched material that just barely covers the top of her thighs and immediately centring it over the heat of her sex.

She isn’t wearing panties; and even though he shouldn’t be particularly surprised, the feel of her slick and wet against his palm is so exquisite that his cock begins to throb, a pulse that beats in perfect synchrony with the one now clouding his brain.

Notyetnotyetnotyetnotyet

The mantra grounds him slightly and although he wants to just bury himself in her he forces himself instead to slide two fingers through her satin folds, smearing her arousal to cover her before pushing them into her, bending them just a fraction at the first knuckle until he feels the patch of rough tissue that sits right at the front of her cunt, fucking her with his fingers and grinding the heel of his hand against her clit on every stroke and all the time she is writhing above him, the sight of her biting down on that luscious bottom lip, eyes closed as concentration furrows her brow that, coupled with the warm fluid that is literally dripping from within her to coat his hand is such a heady combination that he almost comes right there against her.

She smells of sex now – of a desperate desire for him that he doesn’t think he has experienced to this degree with any other woman who has shared his life – and he can’t do this any longer, he can’t wait even another second because he fears he might die if he doesn’t bury himself inside her soon, the pressure now just too much to bear.

He withdraws his fingers, taking his cock in his hand and smearing her juices along its length, gritting his teeth as finally, mercifully, he thrusts his hips against her, entering her with a grunt as he braces his free hand against the wall to give him the leverage he needs.

Almost immediately he feels her tense around him, her whole body trembling as she goes rigid, her fingers clutching and pulling at his hair and he revels in the sharp pain it elicits, knowing she is close, and knowing that she is falling, tightening around his engorged cock as he slams into her again and again.  Later he will tenderly kiss the bruises that have bloomed across her shoulder blades, evidence of their rough handling of each other and he will feel slightly guilty until she tells him to not be; that she needed it too.

Oh, Fuck….Oh, Fuck…..

And then she is screaming out his name, on the back of a series of cuss words that would make a sailor blush, clenching and pulsing around him as she throws her head from side to side, anchoring him inside her with her legs so she can milk the full length of his cock with the powerful contractions, giving him explicit permission to let go, to ride this with her, biting him sharply, her teeth grazing the muscle that bridges the curve from neck to shoulder.

Suddenly, without warning, it’s enough, enough to send him over, gasping her name as he feels his balls tighten and draw upwards into his groin, sweet relief crashing over him as he thrusts desperately just once more before the word explodes in fragments of sheer pleasure, emptying himself into her; filling her; making her his once more.

And it seems like it will never stop; he doesn’t want it to ever stop.

But finally, she slumps almost boneless against him, a dead weight now in his arms that, without the desperate desire fuelling him, now feel weak and shaky from his exertion, but he can’t bear to break the connection from her quite yet.  Instead, he forces himself to keep her with him as he shuffles backward along the few feet of carpeted floor that leads to the couch, sending up a silent prayer of thanks when he feels the cushioned surface bump the back of his calves.  And all the time she is nestled against him like a cat; in fact, he thinks if she could, she would probably be purring right about now.

Carefully he sits them both down, lifting his ass just enough for her to rearrange her legs into a more comfortable position, smiling as she finally lifts her head from his shoulder and kisses her way from neck to jaw to corner of the mouth.  Her eyes are slightly hooded, drowsy almost as she tips her head away from his to meet his gaze.

“Hi, David how are you?”

Delivered in the impeccable British accent she knows he loves and which, despite the fact she is far more American than she likes to admit, will take her a few hours to lose fully.

He grins wickedly at her, dropping his lips to brush her forehead, murmuring against her skin.

Now I’m good.  How’s Peter doing?”

Almost laughing out loud at her response to his teasing question.

“Peter who?”

End

Moving Forward – Chapter 46

sembell:

After everything that has happened in the last couple of weeks, I hope this little story can stay our safe place. It’s pure fantasy, but I love to travel into this little world and I can only hope it brings you guys as much joy as it brings to me. Thank you for all your feedback on the last chapter – it really keeps me going and motivates me! And thank you, my dear @justholdinghandsok , for being you – awesome and loveable – and for helping me! And thank you @mulderscullyinthetardis for being such a patient teacher – even though she couldn’t do the beta this time due to my work schedule next week, I just really hope I’m slowly getting better and make less mistakes 🙂

Now, I hope you all enjoy this new chapter – The Cutting Room is calling 😀

[1] 2016 had been one hell of a ride for both of them, but so far 2017 was really pushing them to their breaking point. “I told you that it was a bad idea, Gill.” He breathes against her neck as his hand snakes down her bare, taunt stomach. “I know.” She whispers back. “But it was the only way Netflix would agree to fund season 3 of the Fall.” A soft moan leaves her lips as his hand finds its way into his already damp panties. Her eyes flutter closed. “Look at me, Gillian.”

[2] He flicks a finger against her clit, and her eyes pop open, those blue hues staring directly into hers. “We can fix this.” She opens her mouth to speak, to say something, anything, but he slides two fingers inside her and every rational thought goes out of her head. Her lips trail up her neck until their reach her ear. “I’m ready. We’re ready. Let’s go public.” He takes her soft ear into his mouth.

[3/3] His fingers are slowly diving in and out of her while his thumb makes light circles around her clit. “Okay.” She manages to whisper out. It already feels like a weight has been lifted from her chest.

I love finding that in my inbox so much!