This is not XF related or anything. But a good friend of mine asked me if I could help out and spread the word about the their new band. @megsandroses
So please take a minute and like their video and if you could also reblog it that would be awesome!!! I would really appreciate that and I know they do too!! It’s always hard to get somewhere when you are a new and young band so I hope some of you will help them out! Thank you ❤
I signed onto Tumblr during the Gillovny/XF heyday of 2013. I met incredible philes and fell in love once more with my favorite show. Suddenly, the interest in a show I hadn’t picked up in years came flooding back! I was swept up with nostalgia and something altogether new…GILLOVNY 😃 The prospect of costars David and Gillian actually dating was sweet and it allowed me to see them as people, not just actors. I have never been one to follow celebrities’ personal lives or love interests. Nope. Not my thing. But with these two I don’t know it’s magnetic. I can’t quite describe my feels. All I knew was that David and Gillian presented a vulnerability and realness that cannot be topped in Hollywood. Together they are magic. And separate they are unique, genuine and funny. Very tangible, likeable qualities. I love that Gillian says things first then kinda laughs at her own lack of restraint. Plus, she is great with fans and she loves to tease David but in a very affectionate way. I love that no matter how much ignorant shitty fans make fun of David’s intelligence, he does what truly smart people do and ignores the hate and STILL remains humble. His kids are his life and he takes great pride in sharing his Dad-ways with all of us. It’s sweet. Plus, the man is gorgeous even though he cannot dress himself or care to use product in his hair on his days off lol.
I am a sucker for these two because, cuteness aside, they are kind individuals. They are talented. They are handsome together. They bring out the best of one another. If they truly are just good friends than so be it. Still, they shine. But if the rumor mill is correct and it lands on a PR scheme known as PM/MP then I’m afraid my respect for David and Gillian falls significantly. I hope this isn’t the case. I’d hate for my gut instincts to be wrong, for my YEARS of seeing and feeling a certain love existing between the two to be farce because then I will question A Lot A lot A lot
thank you @justholdinghandsok
for checking it for me!
you think you’re in
love. that girl nancy, she is nice, you like spending time with her, she’s
funny and sexy as hell. you could spend all nights long fucking her. you don’t
talk much but it doesn’t matter. you’re not good with words, she works with her
body, not with her mouth… scratch that, she works great with her mouth but she
says only one word. it’s your name when she comes. your friends don’t mind her
but they don’t like when she hangs around. they find her irritating and boring
when she’s trying to put her hand in your pants when you’re all together in a
bar. she gets drunk very quickly but that works for you. she’s easier this way. you don’t have to talk, you can fuck all night and then she sleeps through
whole day and you get to enjoy the silence. it’s a perfect agreement between
you two and you think it’s love.
until she breaks up with
you.
that’s when you realize
you were in a relationship with no love involved. it doesn’t hurt the way it’s
supposed to, you’re not sad, you don’t drink yourself stupid, you’re not even
mad at her. you both end up in bed, to say goodbye in your favorite language. then she packs her things, kisses you goodbye and leaves with her older
brother, who’s always hated you. you wave them goodbye, sit at your desk and
write a new chapter to your book. she’s worth mentioning.
you think you’re in love
when you meet carole. she’s a little bit crazy and she talks a little bit too
much but you don’t mind. it’s a nice change to hear some words. nancy was only
moaning your name, and with carole you can discuss politics. not that she has
any idea about politics. but she’s against every rule in american law and that
fascinates you. she only agrees in bed with you. you find a perfect way to communicate
and yet again, your actions speak louder than words.
your friends accept her,
they like when she comes to the parties with you. she’s fun to be with, she
sings well and bakes delicious brownies. you’re kind of proud when your mother
says she’s okay. no matter how old you are, your mother’s opinion is always the
best. although she’s not that enthusiastic when you and carole visit her, she’s
still smiling at you two. that’s something, you think.
it’s amazing how well
women can lie. she looks into your eyes and swears she’s not fucking johnny and
you believe her because why would she ever lie to you? you saw the truth in her
pretty eyes and decided to screw it, you were happy and you wanted to trust
her. you think you’re in love with carole so why would you ruin this?
one day you come home
earlier than she thought and you see them together in your bed. you’ve never
heard anyone speaking so fast and dressing up the same time. she apologizes,
begs you to stay, cries her heart out. she promises you johnny doesn’t matter
and johnny’s still there, laying in your bed, not knowing what to do. so you
shrug and smile at them. you wish them well, grab your keys and walk out. you
call her later that day and tell her to pack her things. once again, you wish
her good luck with johnny and she calls you a son of a bitch for letting go of
her so quickly.
that’s when you realize
you weren’t in love with her. you let go so quickly and the very next day you don’t
remember her face.
you don’t mention her in
your book.
there’s another girl
that a name you don’t even remember. she’s nice but only until she says she’s married
and her husband is screwing her best friend. you don’t want to be a part of
this messed up situation so you fuck her one night and you let her sleep by
your side for a few days and then you tell her to go talk to her husband. she
sends you a christmas card and thanks you for fixing her marriage. you feel
kind of proud.
after cindy you decide
to stop. you need a break from women, they just drive you crazy. you focus on
your job and writing, you start acting and somehow you’re good. people want to
hire you, you go from one audition to another and you get roles and you make
your mother proud.
thanks to one movie you
meet vicky and you think you fall in love. she’s kind of perfect. she’s tall
and blonde, she makes every guy crazy. you’re so lucky, that’s what all of your
friends say. you feel the same, to be honest. she’s the most beautiful of all
the women you’ve ever been with. she makes you smile whenever she comes to your
apartment. you spend hours on talking, kissing, fucking. she makes you dinners
and you take her to the movies. you support each other on auditions. you
comfort each other when you don’t get the roles. it’s a perfect relationship,
you think. all of your friends love her and you think you may too.
she’s the one who tells
you to go to this audition. you’re not so sure about it, you want to be mature,
play in mature movies. you don’t find a show about aliens any kind of
interesting. you tell her that many times but she says that it can be fun. she
wants to go to the audition with you but you tell her not to. you don’t want to
work with her, it could ruin your perfect relationship.
vicky calls your agent
and tells her that you said yes. so you agree to go to that stupid audition. you practice and you just don’t feel it. the character is a weirdo, the scene
is not interesting, the show is lame. it’s going to be just pilot, no one’s
gonna buy that.
she drives you to the
studio and kisses you to make you feel better. you don’t but at least she
tried.
“you’re gonna be great.” she tells you and gives you an encouraging smile. you wanna say you know you’re
gonna be great but the show’s gonna suck but you bite your tongue. she really
believes in you and you think that after everything, you owe her that.
you get out of a car and
take a deep breathe. you can do this,
you whisper to yourself and step in to the studio. it’s pretty nice and there
are some people murmuring to themselves, repeating the lines you know
practically by heart.
you look around and you
see some pretty girls. they smile and wink at you and you chuckle. if only you
weren’t with vicky, you could easily find replacement for her. you could get
lost in one or another’s arms. you smile at them and sit on one of the plastic
chairs. you read the script once and twice and you get bored. you start walking
around the hallway again and focus on your plans after the audition.
one girl starts talking
to you at some point but she’s totally boring and you just smile and nod. you
start looking around the room once again and that’s when your heart stops
beating.
and then it starts
beating faster than ever.
and that’s when your
hands start trembling and sweating.
I’ve been having a blast painting for you guys these past few days. I wish I could show you the pieces I made for @whatfallsaway because I’m so happy with how things turned out, but as she wants to be fully surprised, you’ll have to wait until she gets it in her hands first!
In the meantime, here’s the last commission I finished. This big guy is gonna decorate a brand new home’s walls in a few days, and I’m super proud of it!
I have another few days for myself and I have time for more commissions, so do not hesitate to reach me with your ideas 😊
And thank you again for all your kind words and your messages, they make my life so much brighter 😘
Just so you know, I have a multicolor one that’s ready to be shipped, first thing in the morning! 😉 (someone bailed on me, so… it’s for one of you guys if you want it!)
I have nothing to paint this weekend and this is not right! Let’s change that shall we?
Aww! Thank you so much, anon! I’m so grateful to be part of this fandom and to live this filming with all of you! It’s a blessing!
Hang in there, he should be blind soon, that’s something!
so i had a dream. @justholdinghandsok is there and she tells me i gotta change my life and she’s gonna teach me how to live… and we walk into her apartment and we go straight to this one room. and there are david’s posters and photos and his music is playing. jhh sits at the couch and tells me to relax. she smokes a cigarette and drinks a beer and suddenly david walks out of the closet and starts singing. i can’t believe what’s happening but i’m there, smoking, drinking and watching david. and suddeny my dad calls and tells me that builders will come today and i’m like “it’s okay dad, i’m chilling with david now.” and nothing else matters…
i just gotta ask, @justholdinghandsok do you have that kind of room? because if so, i’m flying to you!
Omg! Can we have someone to analyze this dream? @becksndot5? I wish I had a closet where David would be living in and going out whenever I need him too! But unfortunately, he’s already in Gillian’s shower so he can’t be everywhere 😔
(i’m sorry about all the mistakes, i hope you’ll like it)
at first you call your life pathetic. you stay in your
trailer all day long, just to sit on a couch or lay on a bed and drink. drink
so much it hurts. you want to get drunk and forget everything that’s been
happening lately. you want to lose your memory like you lose your mind every
single time you see her. as you open another bottle of wine, you hear her
voice. you have no idea whether it’s real or only in your head but you don’t
really care. her voice is so soft and
nice and her laughter makes you smile. when it was you and her you were always
trying to make her laugh. trying a little too hard maybe. you drink and you
drink and you drink as her voice slowly fades away and now you’re sure it’s
been real because in your head it doesn’t go
away.
she’s happy. you can see it in her eyes, or at least
you’re pretending to see it and trying to leave her alone. all you want to do
is take her away and make love to her, just like you used to a few weeks ago. you
want to tell her all those little things you hadn’t gotten to say. you want to
make her understand it all, dump him and fall in your arms. like in a fucking
romantic movie.
you walk out of your trailer, sit at the stairs and
light up a cigarette. nasty habit, which isn’t even your habit. you inherited
it from her. she made you smoke, she made you enjoy the taste of the cigarette.
or maybe you just still imagine that her lips touched it first?
once again you fucked it up. you’ve tried so many
times before and failed but you didn’t learn your lesson. someone would call
you tough and brave for not giving up but you know that you’re just a loser who’s
trying to get something back that was never yours. how pathetic…
you see as the door of her trailer opens and she steps
out. it’s pretty late and you’re surprised to see her awake, usually she only
stays up when she’s taking care of her daughter and now she’s with her father. she
looks at you and smiles. it’s a very small and very sad smile so you don’t even
answer that with the same gesture. you just nod and hand her a pack of
cigarettes, which she accepts and sit right next to you. her naked thigh is
touching yours and you can’t focus on anything else. you both sit quietly, she
lights up her cigarette and looks up at the dark sky like she’s looking for
something. maybe those faded stars that she once saw in your eyes.
“how are you?” she asks you quietly, like she’s scared
of her own voice. but it’s enough for you because you love her whispering. generally
you love her but you don’t want to admit it, even to yourself. “i haven’t seen
you in a while.”
it’s because i’ve been avoiding you, you want to say
but your mouth says nothing. you just keep staring at the door where she was
just minutes ago and you recall all those moments she was trying to get to her
trailer unseen from a fucking marathon with you. you smile as you see her in
your memory running half naked from your trailer and laughing out loud, while
you’re throwing her a skirt she left at your floor. every single time she was
with you she was forgetting something. her bra, her lipstick, her heart.
“are you happy?” you ask her as you empty the bottle. is
it your third or fourth, you don’t know. but you think you’re not drunk enough
to face this conversation with her. you stand up and go to the kitchen to get
yet another bottle. she’d be surprised how much alcohol you’ve got there. “is
he making you happy?”
“of course, what kind of question is that?” you shrug
because you don’t know what kind of question is that. you think it’s a simple
one because he’s either making her happy and she loves him or not. but you don’t
want to fight her so you take that
answer. “are you happy?”
you laugh bitterly, look her in the eyes and there it
is – a single tear coming down your cheek. you want to be embarrassed about it,
showing how vulnerable you are but you feel nothing. just a fucking emptiness.
“i’ve been happy once” you whisper and want to run
away as far as it’s possible because you don’t
want her to see you this way. “i fucked it up, though. she left me and i
can’t blame her for that. i’m a fucking loser and a failure and i don’t deserve
to be happy.”
now you see the tears in her eyes. you make her cry
even when you’re not together. saying you’re a loser is the lightest statement
you could make. you’re so pathetic, god damn you.
“don’t do that” she says and puts her palm on your
knee. you’re pretty sure you’re gonna burn soon. “you’ve made me happy, i loved
you and i will never forget it. what we had was fucking special. but we just
weren’t meant to be.”
you shake your head and take another sip of a cheap
wine. you look at her once again and fight the urge to kiss her. her lips look
so perfect in this light.
“that’s where you’re wrong, you know” you say as you
laugh quietly. “we are meant to be, this isn’t over. you can be married, you
can move to a fucking different continent and you know i’ll find you. i always
do, even if i’m not looking for you. you and i are going to meet again and
again and again and we’ll be driving each other crazy and we will do everything
to forget about ourselves but it’s not possible. because we’re meant to be. it’s
written in those fucking stars that i’m yours and you’re mine – forever. you
can go ahead and deny it as you wish, but you know it’s true.”
“you’ve got to move on” she whispers, her voice is
shaking and she’s crying. of course you’ve made her cry. could you hate
yourself even more? “i moved on, you can do that too. i’m sure you’re gonna
meet a nice girl and you’ll be happy…”
“oh, i’m sure I will” you interrupt her. “i will find
a very nice woman, we’re gonna be happy. we’ll get married maybe and have kids.
or two dogs. we may plant a garden together, who fucking knows? but as long as i
know you’re out there, i’m gonna keep running away from what i’ve got. i may be
the happiest man alive but i’ll still choose you. i’ll choose you over
anything.”
“please, stop…”
“i’ll stop now. i’ll let you get there on your own. and
once you get it, i may be lost and won’t accept you. and we’ll end up missing
each other for years. but i know that one day, maybe when we’re old and gray
and i’m ugly, we’re gonna end up together and that’ll be it. we’ll find each
other again. just so you know…”
you don’t let her say anything. you throw away the
empty bottles and you disappear in your trailer, leaving her at your stairs
alone and all in tears. you have your window open and you’re almost sure you
can hear her whisper “i can’t fucking wait for that” and you smile.
you sleep the whole night this time. because you’re
full of hopes. although it’s just a beginning of your journey, you know that in
years, decades maybe you’ll find her again and you’ll make her fall in love
with you again. and making her laugh will be your most important aim again.
you just have to wait…
at first you call your life pathetic but then again,
there’s always hope.
Awww that’s such a nice message! Thank you, anon! I feel very protected, though so don’t worry. I don’t receive hating anons, i have blocked the few who used to send me some and when that still happens, i usually stop at the first sentence and delete them so I’m really not bothered by that. And no one’s coming at me, the few people who used to do it are too scared they’d give me more exposure if they come at me, which I find very funny, so really, you don’t have to worry about me 🙂
what still pisses me off is when I see my friends being attacked for no reason on here and I can’t do anything to help them because I’m blocked. That is annoying as hell.
Just Holding Hands 